It’s that time of year where you’re seeing everyone and their perfect holiday spreads all over social media. Pretty soon they’ll be posting Christmas party pics and New Years Eve house-party albums.

The holidays can be a rough time of year, especially if you feel like your social circle is lacking, if your current friends don’t feel like a good fit anymore or if you want to have a deeper connection with the people you spend time with.

One of the tricky things about being an adult, especially one that’s interested in personal growth is that your old posse may not seem like they’re on the same wavelength with you anymore.

Making new friends as an adult can feel hard, daunting or overwhelming.

It’s even harder if you’re an introvert, empath or highly sensitive. You just weren’t built for small talk, schmoozing at parties or promoting yourself at networking events.

I get it because I’ve been there. In fact a lot of times I still feel that way when I look around and see how easily other people make friends.

But as my own personal coach once reminded me “I go deep, not wide”.

I’d rather have a super tight inner circle than be everyone’s friend. I just won’t have the energy for the level of connection I want to have with people if I’m spreading myself too thin.

So instead of casting a wide net and accepting any warm body into your circle (or even into your facebook feed), here are the easy action steps you can take right now from the comfort of your own home to start calling in the BFFs you really want.

Here’s where to start: Make a list of traits you’d want in your perfect, end all be all bestie.

Does she live near you? Is she a great gift giver? Does she love the same bands as you? Will she always tag you in funny memes?

Pull out a notebook or open one up on your phone right now and jot down all the ways you want her to show up for you.

Really craft a clear picture of who she is and what she’s all about.

Next make a list of people you actually know right now that you’re kinda friends with, used to be friends with or that you aspire to get closer to.

Do any of them fit the profile of your dream bestie?

Great!

Brainstorm some ways you could connect with her. Maybe invite her to go to a movie or catch up over tea. Or if you’re a little apprehensive about carrying the conversation, plan a group date with a few people that you think would all love to get to know each other better.

Don’t assume she’s too busy or that her friend dance-card is full – she very well may be sitting at home wishing she had more friends too. You may be the answer to her current prayer.

If you’re totally starting from scratch and want to find a whole new tribe – brainstorm where your dream bestie might already be hanging out already.

Does she get up early and go to yoga on Saturdays? Is she taking a class at the local cooking school? Is she volunteering at an animal shelter? Does she answer phones after work at Planned Parenthood?

Get creative. Chances are you’ve got some things in common with her, so start with things you’re currently into or have been wanting to try.

Bonus: Even though you may not actually become BFFs with the person on the mat next to you, you are getting yourself out there and not waiting for the perfect friend to show up before you embrace fun and play.

You’re also giving a really clear signal to the universe that you’re open and willing to show up and be available.

Back when my own coach asked me to make a list of traits in a perfect best friend she’d said “there’s a part 2 that I’ll tell you later”. We both forgot about it and it took weeks before she told me part 2!

I’m going to spare you all that waiting and fill you in on the fastest way to get that dream friend to show up…ready??

Instead of waiting for someone to be all the things on your list – you start being all the things on your list.

Want a reliable friend?

Be a reliable friend.

Want someone joyful?

Be joyful.

Want someone that checks in and asks how you’re doing?

Check in with yourself. And check in with the people in your life (yep, even if they’re not your ideal bestie).

Rinse and repeat these steps and I promise you’ll feel better, be having more fun and be ready when that friend shows up.

XO

Ashley

p.s.

If you’ve already been hunting for your tribe you’re ready for deep connection with other women, I’ve created something special just for you! Your soul posse is out there and I can’t wait for you to meet them. More details super soon!